CareGiver Guide

You can't care for another until you care for yourself…first!


Death & Dying

As I lay her down to sleep,

I feel like crying
As there is no denying
The suffering she feels.

What is death to the dying?
A hoped for relief?
Or just a thief
Blindly stealing her thread of life?

What is death to the living
Who watch the dying live?
A reminder to forgive
Anything that may remain,
That, unforgiven, will cause pain.

Is death a healing or a cure?
Does it bring peace
Or is it just a release
To the next stage on the path?
(Assuming you believe in an aftermath.)

How do the living bring
Healing to the dying?
Do we sing?
Do we plant a seed?
Do we recite a creed,
Praying that faith yields belief
That leads to hope,
So that neither the living nor
The dying will feel the grief
Of a life cut short, incomplete.

Words on a page,
Even in this scientific age
Do play a part in the interaction
Among death, the dying, and the living.

For when I can no longer think
Of things to say
As I watch her will receding
Before the onslaught of pain,
I can read from a book well written
And share the wisdom of one who
Has been there before as more
Than an observer at death’s door.

As I struggle to know what else to do or say,
To ease her on her way,
Words I read teach me
That what’s left for me to do is to:

Be hopeful.

Be thankful.

Be truthful

Be still.


Richard  Anastasi
A New York City Apartment
February 7, 2004

Grief Is Not An Emotion

Grief is not an emotion
That you feel now and again.

Grief is not something to get over
Like an illness or a sprain.

Grief is a process
With a beginning, middle,  and

Sometimes, even an end.

Richard  Anastasi
A New York City Apartment
April 24, 2004

Grief Is Not A Feeling

Grief is a process,
Not a feeling.
A feeling comes and goes.
Grief endures.

A year has passed
since she died.
Reminders of her
still make me cry.

I doubt anything
will fill the hole she left inside.
I remains as I am,
feeling empty and bereft.

Richard  Anastasi
Irving, TX
April 16, 2005

Death is not a problem to fix,
           Nor a puzzle to solve.
Death is not
          what you think
          death is.
Death is not the end
          of you,
          unless you think
          you are just your body.
Death marks the end
          of your mind,
          if the mind is merely
          the activity of your brain.
Death is the end
          of pain and pleasure,
          as both require a body to feel
          sensations and emotions.
No death, no fear.*
          No death, no tears.
If you fear death,
          you will fear
         for your life.
You will fear life.

*”No Death, No Fear” is the title of a book
by Thich Nhat Hanh

Richard Anastasi
August 2, 2014

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