Death is Like a Candle
By Richard Anastasi
July 31st, 2012
Death is like a candle extinguished
Because the dawn has broken
Broken through the veil that has protected us from
and prevented us from
seeing the bright, true light.
We have fallen, not so easily,
Rising to a new great dawn:
A dawn of purple, pink, and a hint or orange
Which draws us into another day of life.
Perhaps into another, new life.
“Dealing with Dis-ease:
The Way of the Compassionate CareGiver”
Wednesday, June 27th, 6:30-8:30 p.m.
The Social House Supper Club
5100 Beltline Road, Suite 410 Addison, TX 75001
You have just been told that someone you care for has a critical dis-ease.
You are past the initial shock of that news.
You start trying to move heaven and earth to find a cure.
Time passes.
Now you are worn out, worried, uncertain what to do next,
and the person you are caring for is still with the disease.
This is the usual path for a care giver.
Want to learn a different way to experience care giving?
To learn how, join us, Wednesday June 27th at 6:30 p.m.
6:30 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. Registration & Snacks [Cash Bar]
7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. Presentations
8:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. Q & A
R.S.V.P.
http://www.tangotab.com/jsp/dealSummary.do?dealId=846&date=06/27/2012
What You Will Learn:
1. The Way of the Enlightened CareGiver: Richard Anastasi, CareGiver Advocate
2. How Health Cures Dis-ease: Dr. David Erb Erb Family Wellness
3. A Guide To Assisted Living : Paul Markowitz, Founder & President, Senior Living Specialists
4. Hospice: What is it? When to Use it? Rachel Pearlman, Hospice Plus
For more information, call or text Richard Anastasi at 214-709-0723
or email him: rjanastasi@gmail.com
He closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally, decided to walk through the door. The book was one of a two volume set that gave him comfort while he cared for his mother dying of liver disease.
As he reached for the door knob, he looked back. His eyes fell, once again, on his mother in a coma. He saw the barely noticeable rising of her chest as she struggled for her next breath. He heard the sound of the air caught at the back of her throat as it rattled the substances stuck there. Lying there on her back, eyes closed, seemingly at peace –that was the scene Richard captured of his mother the evening before she died.
His next thought was where would he stop for dinner. Should he walk down First Avenue to Simone’s or take the bus home and make dinner? Even if the friendly bar tender wasn’t there, it would do him good to eat surrounded by the conversation of others.
He felt guilty that he could not bear to spend another moment in that room waiting for his mother to die. It was all that he could do to sit there and read, and sometimes to pray. It was hard to just be there, being there with nothing left to do for his mother, nothing left to say.
He wanted to be there for her as she had been there for him. So many times as a child, his mother wiped the dirt, the hurt, or the tears from his cheeks, sometimes with a damp wash cloth, and sometimes with spit and a finger. Why couldn’t he stay with his mother for one more hour, one more minute? He had nowhere to be, no wife, no children to care for…just an empty apartment to return to. It was his mother’s apartment, the same apartment where he had lived most of his adolescence and some of his adulthood until he could afford to move out on his own.
No, he wouldn’t go back there tonight – at least not right away. Tonight was not a night for him to be alone with his thoughts.
Then he noticed the book on the table. For almost 11 months, that book and its companion had accompanied him on his journey of care giving. He started to go back for it but remembered he had finished reading it just moments ago.
Richard couldn’t remain in the hospice room any longer. Quietly, he closed the door.
By Richard J Anastasi copyright © 4-3-2012
“Dreams are meant to evolve, expand, grow, and change.” Garrett Baldwin
As a CareGiver, together with the person you are caring for, you must build the dream of what your care giving plan will be: a time of peace, dignity, respect, and joy for life.
Remember that the essence of caregiving is being a compassionate listener and companion. How you are being with the person you are caring for is more important than what you doing for them. At some point, there is nothing more you can do. Then it is essential that you learn to just be…be fully present, be attentive.
Explicitly ask for what you want!.
Don’t expect others that others already know, should know or ought to know what you think you want or need. Most of us cannot read your mind or guess your intentions.
Self-leadership begins with what matters most to you. Reflect on what matters most to you. As Kevin Buck (philosopher/consultant) says: “Without reflection, there is no true learning.” Make it a habit to notice more of what is going on around you: your circumstances, other people, and your feelings. Then ask what are you feeling and why.
“If you can’t lead you, please, don’t lead others.” Jim Cathcart
from an interview with Jim Cathcart on Coping University (www.copinguniversity.com)
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