CareGiver Guide

You can't care for another until you care for yourself…first!

A Valentine’s Gift for Your Self: Visualization

Visualization: The Gift for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is the holiday which celebrates love. Love has many dimensions: romantic and sensual love (eros), familial love (philia), friendship love (storge) and divine or unconditional love (agape). These are the types of love we experience in our relationships.

This Valentine’s Day why not go beyond having relationships you love to having a life you love?  One way to design a life you love is to visualize it. Usually on Valentine’s Day, we give gifts to others. This Valentine’s Day, include yourself when giving out gifts. Give yourself the gift of visualizing a life you love.

Open your visualization gift by finding a quiet place free of distractions. Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Using your imagination, begin to visualize your ideal life. Remember, when you visualize, you have no limitations of time, talent, or treasure. Know that everything is available to you.

Use all your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.

Imagine a time three (or five or ten) years from now. You just woke up and are ready to get out of bed. What do you see? What do you hear?  What do you smell? With whom are you or are you by yourself? Where are you? Answering these questions is how you begin to create your idealized future – your inspired life. 

Visualization is the link between inspiration and manifestation. Belief powers the link. 

As you answer these questions, visualize your idealized future in as much detail as possible. The more details the better. As you allow your imagination to run free, you will feel more inspired. The more inspired you become, the easier it will be for you to step into the world you are imagining. You can begin to see and feel yourself in this new world.  It may take several rounds of visualization to form a detailed image of your idealized future. Give yourself the time to continue visualizing. Be generous with your gift to your Self.

As you visualize, don’t entertain any limiting thoughts. Don’t let doubt seep in. Don’t say to yourself, “This is a just a dream. It will never actually happen like this for me.” The truth is that when you visualize something, it just did happen. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between imagination and what we call reality – the manifestation of our imagined thoughts.

Do you find it hard to believe that the mind doesn’t know the difference between what you imagine and what is in physical form? Haven’t you ever noticed that when you smell the scent of your favorite food you begin to salivate whether that food is available for you to eat or not? The mind recognizes the scent. It then does what the mind always does. It reacts to that stimulus and sets in motion a reaction in the body. It doesn’t matter whether the food is on the table ready to eat or not.

Believe in what you are imagining. Without a strong belief in what you are visualizing, it cannot come into reality. Doubt can prevent it from coming into being.

Feelings fuel belief. If you can feel the feelings associated with what you are visualizing, the vibrational energy of the feelings will attract the conditions necessary for what you are visualizing to manifest.

Experience the feelings first. Then wait for the manifestation. If you depend on the manifestation to occur before you can feel the feelings, you are living a conditional life. You are living life backwards. Imagine first. Believe it. Feel it. Then allow for your inspired visualization to manifest. (Of course, there are actions you will take along the way, but that is the subject for another time.)

When you live a conditional life, your happiness is dependent on conditions outside of you.

When you live your life from inspiration, you are living an unconditional life. You are joyful because of who you are being. Your joy is not dependent on conditions outside of your Self. You don’t need certain conditions to be present to feel happy. Instead, your inspiration generates joy.

Do you now understand more fully what unconditional love is really all about?

This Valentine’s Day you can be in love regardless of what conditions exist – whether you are alone, with your ‘valentine,’ at home, or on a vacation. Conditions don’t determine whether you are in love.

For this Valentine’s Day, give yourself the gift of visualization and share it with those you love.

Mindset more important than medicine.

I believe that a person’s mindset in dealing with a disease is more important than what medicines the person does or doesn’t not take. Based on what I have read, the patient’s belief in the treatment plan is a significant determining factor in whether the plan will succeed.

That said, you should still take the time to learn about your treatment options and how well you feel they will work for you. Some options may be better than others.

Be kind

Managing your Attitude as a CareGiver is a critical skill.
As you begin each activity of care giving, remind yourself ‘to be kind.’

‘Be kind’ is as much a guiding principle of care giving as ‘do no harm’ is a guiding principle of the Hippocratic Oath.

Becoming Successful

Three keys to becoming successful:
1. Clarity – know what you want and focus on it.
2. Competence – define what you need to know and learn it — whether it be a strength or weakness — learn both types of skills
3. Discipline – keep to the course, one step at a time. Trust in your dream; let no one deter you from it.

source: Brendon Burchard – High Performance Academy


Quick Tips for CareGivers

In managing the care of the CaredFor, work toward keeping the CaredFor autonomous while still maintaining a safe space.

Be there.
Be supportive.
Be an advocate.

Avoid taking over the life of the CaredFor.

Based on a talk by Dr. Michael F Weisberg, MD at the 2016 DAGS (Dallas Area Gerontological Society – Annual Fall Forum

Paradox – something CareGivers will confront

Here’s a thought provoking reflection by one my favorite authors, Richard Rohr, OFM. on Paradox. As a CareGiver, you will live continually in the realm of Paradox.

Mystery Is Endless Knowability
Tuesday, August 23, 2016

How do we live the contradictions? Live them—not just endure them or relieve ourselves from the tension by quickly resolving them. The times where we meet or reckon with our contradictions are often turning points, opportunities to enter into the deeper mystery of God or, alternatively, to evade the mystery of God. I’m deliberately using the word mystery to point to depth, an open future, immense freedom, a kind of beauty and truth that can’t be fully spoken or defined.

Many mystics speak of the God-experience as simultaneously falling into an abyss and being grounded. This sounds like a contradiction, but in fact, when you allow yourself to fall into the abyss—into hiddenness, limitlessness, unknowability, a void without boundaries—you discover it’s somehow a rich, supportive, embracing spaciousness where you don’t have to ask (or answer) the questions of whether you’re right or wrong. You’re being held and so you do not need to try to “hold” yourself together. Please reflect on that.

This might be the ultimate paradox of the God-experience: “falling into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31). When you can lend yourself to it and not fight it or explain it, falling into the abyss is ironically an experience of ground, of the rock, of the foundation. This is totally counterintuitive. Your dualistic, logical mind can’t get you there. It can only be known experientially. That’s why the mystics use magnificent metaphors—none of them adequate or perfect—for this experience. “It’s like. . . . It’s like . . . ,” they love to say.

Mystery is not something you can’t know. Mystery is endless knowability. Living inside such endless knowability is finally a comfort, a foundation of ultimate support, security, unrestricted love, and eternal care. For all of us, it takes much of our life to get there; it is what we surely mean by “growing” in faith. I can’t prove this to you. Each soul must learn on its own, hopefully aided by observing other faith-filled people.
Gateway to Silence:
Welcome what is.


Adapted from Richard Rohr, Holding the Tension: The Power of Paradox (CAC: 2007), disc 3 (CD, MP3 download).

“God didn’t leave anything out of the body necessary for healing.”

Most of us, when asked how did we know we are healthy, typically answer: “I look good and feel good.” This is not an adequate answer.

The World Health Organization defines health as: “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”1 Health is about the ability of the body to heal. If we are healthy, we will be able to maintain our well-being.

If we maintain the body’s healing systems, such as the immune system, and eliminate anything that inhibits the efficiency of the body’s healing systems, it is likely that we will be able to avoid many diseases and overcome the diseases that do manifest in the body. As my doctor, often reminds me, “God didn’t leave anything out of the body necessary for healing. “We just have to eliminate anything that’s blocking the body’s ability to heal: toxins we ingest, breathe, or otherwise absorb; an excess of glucose and fat; a continued buildup of hormones released when we are under stress; inflammation; subluxations in the spinal column; lack of nutrients the body needs to function effectively; insufficient levels of oxygen in the bloodstream — to name just a few.

As I have written in Chapter 7 of my book, Become a Compassionate CareGiver. Reduce Stress. Avoid Burnout2 it is more useful to develop a health model that works on keeping the body healthy rather than on focusing on ‘curing disease’. Disease is a symptom of a body whose healing systems are compromised. Find out where the healing systems have broken down and why, restore them, and the body will heal the disease.

A poignant example of thise approach to healing can be found in the book, The Cancer Killers3.

In this book, Dr. Charlie Majors documents how he overcame stage 4 bone marrow cancer without chemotherapy, radiation, or surgery. With his oncologist, he discovered that toxins that had built up over his lifetime compromised his body’s ability to destroy cancer cells. Once he rebuilt the capability of his immune system to destroy cancer cells, the massive tumors inside his brain cavity disappeared. He no longer has bone marrow cancer. Now he is a ‘Cancer Killer,” as we all are when we maintain the capability of our immune systems.

It is cheaper to maintain your body’s healing systems than to pay for the medicines or surgeries to cure a disease.

1 The World Health Organization

2 Become A Compassionate CareGiver.Avoid Burnout.  Reduce Stress.

3Majors, Dr. Charles, Lerner, Dr. Ben,  with Ji, Sayer, The Cancer Killers – The Cause is the Cure, Orlando, FL: Maximized Living™, 2013


We define success in monetary terms

rather than as one who brings out the

best in another, one who reduces fear

and increases love.


Focus not so much on success but

becoming a human being.

Death Is Not A Problem To Fix

Death is not a problem to fix,
           Nor a puzzle to solve.
Death is not
          what you think
          death is.
Death is not the end
          of you,
          unless you think
          you are just your body.
Death marks the end
          of your mind,
          if the mind is merely
          the activity of your brain.
Death is the end
          of pain and pleasure,
          as both require a body to feel
          sensations and emotions.
No death, no fear.*
          No death, no tears.
If you fear death,
          you will fear
         for your life.
You will fear life.

*”No Death, No Fear” is the title of a book
by Thich Nhat Hanh

Richard Anastasi
August 2, 2014

Accept / Surrender Process

Find a quiet place. Sit comfortably. Then as you breathe in, say to yourself “I accept …” and repeat one of the phrases in blue. Then exhale, and say to yourself, “I surrender…” and repeat the corresponding phrase to the right that is in red. Do this for each row in the table.




The unconditional love of God. To the idea I am not worthy.
The gift of a breath. To receive the gift of a breath.
Being breathed into. To opening up to inhale what is being breathed into me.
The gift of being made in God’s image and likeness. To accepting God’s gifts; there is nothing to earn, nothing to do.
That all that I am is lovable. To seeing with the heart that this is true.
That I have chosen where I am now. To knowing I can, with grace, make other choices.
That nothing can ever separate me from the unconditional love of God. To being loved unconditionally.
That everything belongs. With consent, to the purification process of the Divine Healer.
Progress, growth, and expansion. The need for perfection.



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